HomeRegular FeaturesAdvo-CatieAdvo-Catie: How is This Still a Thing?

Advo-Catie: How is This Still a Thing?

Yes, I’m scarfing the title from John Oliver, who I used to find galactically funny before he decided President Trump was the End of Days. But I do like to ask rhetorically from time to time.

For starters, let’s go back to Trump. How is protesting the president still a Thing? People have been marching and hollering about him non-stop since November 8 and it has already become background noise. The complaints are redundant and the news is not covering it any more. What will they do when Trump actually does something really off the rails (are you listening North Korea?) and the protesters have already worn out all their good material? The Sharpies will be dry and all the stores will be out of posterboard and sticks.

And while we’re being bi-partisan, how is arguing about fast food still a Thing? With hundreds of studies and articles touting the unhealthy nature of fast food, and the continued profits of all 3000 food franchises we have, is anyone who loves it ever going to wake up and say “Oh my goodness, this is BAD for me??” Conversely, is any healthy-eating person ever going to see a commercial for the McRib and say “I HAVE to have one!”

How is daylight savings time still a Thing? Workdays have not been shackled to the clock for 150 years. No one has been able to prove that the savings from fewer lights doesn’t get sucked up by people using gasoline later in the day. Congress has added new months to the “savings” anyway (we’re up to 8) so why not stay on summer all the time? At least then I could say, “Small talk about how crazy life becomes when the clocks change is not a thing any more.”

How are albums a Thing in music any more? Aside from the idea that actual vinyl went out of production in the 1990s, how is it that artists still take two years to spit out ten songs lumped together to sell? Every music purchase I’ve made in the past decade was a single song from an electronic download. And after watching Boy George write two songs a day on Celebrity Apprentice, I don’t see how musicians don’t just release stuff all the time.

How are we still talking about the Russian spy ship sitting 30 miles off the coast of Connecticut? Go with me here… how good a spy ship could it be if everyone knows exactly where it is? Second, shouldn’t we be more concerned with looking for the other two or three or 35 other spy ships the Russians may have and we don’t know where they are?

How am I still getting Yellow Pages books molding in a plastic bag at the end of my driveway? I’m sure there are people who still use it. There may even be some who use it to look up numbers vice a makeshift booster seat for visiting toddlers. Haven’t we gone beyond saving the trees since the device most of us use to make a call also has access to the universe of numbers in it?

How are data plans still a Thing? Why do we need 26 choices when it comes to using our devices? Is there anyone who doesn’t want the fastest speed available and unlimited data? No, I’d like to see how much I saved if my bank page ever finishes loading. I look forward to the day when, like long distance, it’s all the same price because we all realized just how cheap it is to do it.

I guess it will just have to be my Thing to wonder with sarcasm.

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